What I would think of America if I only watched television shows

I’ve never been to America. All I know about it is from popular culture, my own research, the media and talking to actual Americans. But what if I cancelled out the majority of my understanding of America and based my entire knowledge on television shows? Why, this happens.

Thanksgiving
A stress filled day where nothing ever goes right. The typical American cannot find a turkey to roast and fights abound.

The solution is always pie.

The solution is always pie.

There’s something about Native Indians being suppressed, made slaves, generally looked down upon? But this is outweighed by the average American’s need to make everything perfect. In the end, everyone is sitting down for dinner and all is resolved. Thanksgiving is a time for turkey.

Nothing like a dead bird to bring people closer together.

Nothing like a dead bird to bring people closer together.

Female Americans
Hello! I should be moving to America. All the women are smoking AND ridiculously skilled at whatever vocation they lay their hands on. Wait, that woman looks a bit plastic. And that one… I think America is full of robots. Evil, soul-sucking robots. Men, beware of the Fembots!

But they're so attractive...

But they’re so attractive…

Fat men get all the ladies
On that note, it seems that the Fembots are attracted to men far below their standard. Not only are the men unattractive, but they don’t pay any attention to their Fembots, do none of the housework and spend all the money.

This makes no sense.

This makes no sense.

These types of men may have some type of magnetic field that attracts the Fembots and have actually been put in place by the FBI in order to stop the robots from taking over.

Plot twist!

Plot twist!

Incredibly unjust class system
I feel sorry for the workers of America. It seems like all they ever do is solve crimes, hand down justice or commit criminal acts all for money that is going to the non-workers that populate America.

'What are you doing?' 'I'm paying for Penny's apartment.'

‘What are you doing?’
‘I’m paying for Penny’s apartment.’

Sure, these non-workers occasionally visit some workplace under the pretence that they are earning a living, but it’s really just a cover so that the workers don’t revolt.

'...and then I got some schmuck in CSI to pay all my bills.'

‘…and then I got some schmuck in CSI to pay all my bills.’

If I were a worker in America I would be standing up for my right to at least go home and visit my family. Perhaps a food break would be nice…

The groups of four
It would be incredibly eerie walking down the streets in America. Everyone is clustered in groups of four and are afraid to break out of that tight circle.seinfeld

What happens when one person alone walks down the street? Do they get ravaged by a group of four, eaten and become sustenance for the group?

In this case, they only eat men.

In this case, they only eat men.

I’m afraid that if I ever travel there I need to bring three other people as back up. They aren’t groups. They are gangs intimidating the lesser grouped out there. And a change is occurring. They are adding to their groups. They are expanding. Soon they will be hanging out in groups of over a hundred.

It begins...

It begins…

There are monsters everywhere
Screw going to America. You think Australia is jam packed full of deadly things? Take a look at your own country:

It's always smart to drive a Hyundai in America

It’s always smart to drive a Hyundai in America

Nope.

Nope.

Double nope.

Double nope.

Just for the lols.

Just for the lols.

Look forward to my post about what I know about America if I only listened to the media. Actually…let’s skip that little can of worms.

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2 thoughts on “What I would think of America if I only watched television shows

  1. This was very cute. All I know about Australia from the media is that it’s infested with koalas and kangaroos and lots of things that will kill you, that there’s a lot of desert but everyone actually lives by a beach, that everyone is a zoologist and every girl’s name is Sheila.

    Liked by 2 people

    • Haha well my name’s not Sheila. I am close enough to a zoologist though, so I suppose the media’s right about that. Kangaroos are everywhere, koalas patchy. In my area you’ll be lucky to see one but in other areas they are so common they are starving themselves to death. I’m about an hour’s drive from the beach, but about five hours from any desert so I guess I’m by the beach!

      Like

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