‘Oh I’m so happy it’s not a snake. He’s actually quite cute when you see him up close.’
‘I’m glad you like him. I’ll just put him back in his home.’
‘Wait, what? I want it gone from my garden.’
‘I can’t take him from his home unless he is injured.’
‘Well, could you at least put it in the neighbour’s garden?’
‘So, how much do you get paid for this?’
‘I’m a volunteer, I don’t get paid for it.’
‘Why the hell do you do it then?’
‘If you could just go on the roof and block up the chimney, that would be nice.’
‘I’m not comfortable with doing that. My insurance doesn’t cover that if I fall.’
‘How am I supposed to stop possums getting into my roof then? Aren’t you supposed to help me?’
‘I’m helping the possum not you. Call your husband.’
‘Oh look a kangaroo! HEY KIDS LOOK AT THE KANGAROO!’
‘Ma’am, if you could just lower your voice and stop your kids from…too late.’
‘Oh for the love of all that is holy, Gerald! Gerald, why oh why did this happen to you? That awful kangaroo should be shot.’
‘I won’t let you shoot it! We’ll take it to the vet, it’ll be fine.’
‘The kangaroo has two broken legs, a broken spine and is bleeding out of its ears. Vets aren’t wizards.’
‘How would you know? You’re just trigger happy!’
‘I wrapped up the poor possum, he’s much happier now.’
‘Yeah…that’s a rat.’
I have been nominated for another award! Many thanks to Jacob over at Serpentine is Here for the nomination. I recommend you check out his website for some dark, thought-provoking poetry.
Without further ado, here are the rules for the One Lovely Blog Award:
- Thank the person who nominated you for the award.
- Add the One Lovely Blog logo to your post.
- Share 7 facts/or things about yourself
- Nominate 15 bloggers you admire and inform the nominees by commenting on their blog.
Now for the facts…I promise these are things that I have never shared on my blog 🙂
1. Claim to fame: I was an extra in the 2006 adaptation of Charlotte’s Web. I never met Dakota Fanning because I was too busy stuffing my face with fairy floss, popcorn and coke.
It’s the Kate Turville edition of Where’s Wally/Waldo?
2. I have an impressive scar on my wrist from a tangle I had with a six-foot kangaroo. I recommend not trying to hold a kangaroo’s head down without at least a blanket.
3. I am scared of the dark, clowns, spiders, knives, death, breaking bones, the Earth exploding.
4. I quit gymnastics when I was seven because I hated the leotards going up my bum.
5. I have an unhealthy obsession with singing songs to my cat, but replacing all the lyrics or melodies with ‘meow’s. You should hear me do the Game of Thrones theme song.
6. I truly wish that the Little People existed and that I could dance with the fairies before they killed me.
7. I keep horrible books in my toilet so that when guests use it they seriously question my taste and humanity. Favourites include Mills and Boon romances – as long as they’re from the 1970s.
There are just a few things about me. Now these people below…tell me about you!